When I was younger I didn't understand why God would possibly command 'from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath'. And there is still so much for me to learn about this parable. I am beginning to see how much abundance there is when we give up what we have been given. In the sense that we recognize it is not ours to protect or hoard. Our talents, gifts, abilities, possessions, families, friends... really anything good we have in our lives, is given to us by God. It is living, in that it will die and shrivel if we keep it to ourselves. But the breath and light and nourishment of Christ's love will allow it to multiply and flourish.
So how do we allow Christ to multiply the very things He has given us? By letting go. By looking outward. By desiring to bless and serve others.
I have learned this the hard way in one aspect of my life. I have clung so tightly to my agenda for much too long. Particularly in the area of physical activity. It was my identity, my sanity, my therapy, my passion, and my addiction. It also made me look how I wanted to look- the way I thought I needed to look to be loved and accepted. I realized how many mys and Is were surrounded by this aspect of life. I was using this beautiful gift of a body which was well and capable and beautiful, to glorify... myself. So it was taken. I got so sick I couldn't do anything active. For a time I felt I had lost my identity. My body changed and I also felt I had lost my beauty. As often is the case, it was in this humble place, without my talent, that I began to see more clearly the purpose for which I was given this gift of my body. And I am now seeking to gain back my health for the purpose of living a whole, complete life. With my body and energy I want to be present with people, have a reserve of energy to be able to serve, go for walks, enjoy life. I want to use my talent to do God's work. I felt I was doing this before, but now is when I get to prove it. I am letting go, and letting Christ heal. I don't know the ending to that story yet, but I do know that when we let Christ in, the ending is always even better than we plan for.
As I think about one aspect of my life in which I was a profitable servant, I think of when I decided to serve a mission. I decided to set aside my fears, and serve the Lord for 18 months. As I entered the training center and began the intense 14 hour days of studying, I realized missionary work was all about teaching. I had been a very shy child and teenager. My mind went blank when I stood in front of people. The only time I could ever remember a presentation going well was in AP Spanish when I presented in another language (the Lord really does know what He is doing... I served in Chile). I found myself praying for the ability to teach. It began with the desire to avoid embarrassment, but as I continued my service throughout my mission my motivation changed from a self focus to a deep love for the people. I was blessed with the gift of teaching. I knew, without question, that it was a gift, and it was mine as long as I used it to do God's work. Humbly. When I returned home, I taught in the MTC. I continued to recognize it as a gift everyday. I knew it wasn't mine naturally. I decided to become a teacher. Now, over ten years after praying for that gift, I can see how it has changed my life. It has multiplied and created abundance. It has also been the greatest source of love. Teaching is nurtured by love- the love I feel for my students, and they for me. The love I feel for others from God and through Christ. I don't know the ending to this story either, but I pray that I will stay humble enough to allow the Lord to continue to multiply this gift.
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