Speaks to my soul

The Trust...

A.MAZE.ING

Fix-you

Becoming perfected...in Christ

When I emerged from the water as a newly baptized eight year old my plan was to avoid sin, and stay clean for the rest of my life. I was so excited to have that new start and clean slate. Within about an hour I think I had yelled at my sister and the whole plan was a wash.

Not surprisingly, with that kind of thinking, I maintained that perfectionistic mentality through college and through my twenties. I thought that I was supposed to avoid sin at all costs, and that any necessity of repentance was indicative of weakness or laziness. Except, of course, the understandable little stuff. Like 'I felt anger toward someone or spoke negatively about them',  'my prayers haven't been as sincere', or or even, gasp, 'I wasted time today and only took 5 minutes to read my scriptures'.

It's not so much that my actions have changed. I don't feel that I sin any more than I did before. But my perspective has. I recognize that as a spiritual being having a mortal experience, there is so much for me to learn through experience, that to not make any mistakes would hinder my progress. It would mean that I have shut myself in a room, and am holding my breath for fear of making a mistake. To view ourselves as imperfect beings, making plenty of mistakes, learning from them, growing, and most importantly, depending on our Savior to be forgiven and to progress... this is living. This is why we are here.

As I have changed my perspective the Atonement has become more real. I feel closer to Christ and to my Father. My motives are more pure. I do not try to avoid sin with the motivation of being a good girl. I am trying to become whole and complete as I come closer to God and my Savior and become more like them. When my prayers aren't as sincere, I talk to God about what's going on and why I'm distracted. When I waste time I'm not as hard on myself and instead think about what use of my time actually makes me happy.  When I feel angry or frustrated or annoyed I recognize I am human and ask myself what I'm doing with these emotions.

I find myself judging less, feeling more compassion, recognizing how little I can see of the iceberg of people and their situations, living in the moment and in gratitude, and I am happier.

Staying in the moment and in gratitude. Difficult when sick, easier when surrounded by family and beauty.

The Pilgrimage

At just about every site we heard the same words... 'this may have been the place where...'. So why do we go on pilgrimages? Why is it so impactful to travel and sacrifice to learn about who and what we worship? From my experience, it has everything to do with the personal preparation involved. I could have learned all that I learned spiritually in my little room in Palo Alto, just talking with God and studying His words. Perhaps someday I will have the faith and devotion necessary to have those kinds of experiences wherever I might be.

Aside from the spiritual feast, I felt the usual exhilaration from and love of traveling as I met and observed the people and their culture. I am also left feelings similar to the ones I experienced when I returned home from Zambia. I don't have words adequate to describe what I learned and saw and felt.

These two. How did I get so lucky? Kel, me, Christi crossing the Israel/Jordan border. On our way to Petra from Eilat.

Moussah was a very interesting man. Fun to talk to for the first 15 minutes of our cab ride, then I just wanted a little time to think. Then when he grabbed my hand while we were car dancing to Jordanian music I felt a little funny inside. Fun stories...

Petra! It felt so good to walk/hike through this ancient city carved out of stone after 2 days of sitting either on a plane, in a cab, or in a rental car.

The Treasury

Our camels in front of the Treasury

The old city... the dwellings in Petra

The theatre

Our camel ride! Arabian nights, like arabian days...

Abdullah, my sweet, bright little friend who sold me a bracelet. I am seriously a sucker for the kids selling stuff. I didn't even want the bracelet, but it was so worth it to get to know him. His English was impeccable.

The Monastery. I practically ran up the stairs to get here. It felt so good to get some exercise.

Jefferson's and my morning run. High place of sacrifice. I wasn't as brave as Jefferson but...

We got to watch the sunrise, and be in two places. I felt like I was in Last of the Mohicans.

Snorkeling at the Red Sea

And the tour begins. Yet somehow we still managed to hang out with our little 'pre-tour' group. The best travel buddies. Jefferson, Christi, me, Billy, Kel, Ben.

Since we got lost in the West Bank on our way to church. And fortunately survived (ok it actually didn't feel that dangerous). We took the sacrament outside, in front of the Jerusalem Center, with a beautiful view of Jerusalem. Pretty cool experience.

The group

Like those pictures that are almost the same, but wouldn't be complete without both... little dance party at the JC

Bry and me

Love these streets. Old city. It was here that I was asked if I had a boyfriend, to which I responded 'yes'. To which he responded. 'But you don't have a boyfriend in Jerusalem'. I mean, he had a point.

The best duo of the trip

Christi, Kel, me. My gal pals. The best kind.

Rampart's walk. Along the north and west walls.

View of just outside the city walls

The picture I was taking...

Hezekia's tunnels

I almost slipped off that rock into the not so clean water. 

Dome of the Rock and the temple mount! We definitely didn't get enough time here. But I definitely got lots of photos of this beauty.

Where Jesus taught when he was 12- at the temple.

Can't take credit for this one

Wailing Wall, Dome of the Rock.

At the Western Wall on Friday at 6, the beginning of the Jewish sabbath. We observed the same sabbath. 

One of my favorite parts of the trip-observing the worship here. So much energy, devotion.

Hasidic Jews at the Western Wall.

The lower part of the Western Wall

Singing hymns at St. Ann's near the Pools of Bethesda

One of the most meaningful sites for me. Jesus healed the lame man here. He heals physical ailments today as well as in times of old.

The Garden Tomb

The church at the site believed to be the Garden of Gethsemane

Singing hymns at the Garden of Gethsemane

The Shepherds Field. There was a special spirit here.

Chewin her lunch

Camel ride

Sweet animals. I was so happy to see them treated well by their owners.

So basically no guarantee for your safety, or even life, if you are Israeli. Heading into Jericho.

And the walls came tumbling down... yes we sang the song and danced in a circle.

The mud was AMAZING

The heaven sent rainbow at the Dead Sea after the downpour

Jefferson using his resources to get his workout in while on our morning run. Followed by a refreshing dip in the Sea of Galilee.

Me, Tim, Katie, David. Morning run along the Sea of Galilee.

With Kristen!

Sea of Galilee. So calm. So serene. This was one of my favorite places.

Pondering while on the boat on Galilee

Mount of Beatitudes

A definite highlight of the trip. Sunset and reading of the Sermon on the Mount.

Our run together was one of my highlights. Such a wise woman.

Recording some thoughts at the River Jordan

The Valley of Armageddon

Free wifi... in Nazareth

Ceasarea on the Mediterranean. Our last moments together as a group.

One of my favorite memories. A full two hours to ponder and be alone at the sea. At sunset. It was my happy place.

Bill, as usual, making us all laugh. 

How could I forget?! The Birthday Plog. Thank you Benson for documenting this. Thank you Kel for being born, and for finding the plog.