So this is my life right now...
And I am right under where the sun is peaking through the thickest clouds. Moving in the direction of the foreground of the photo.
Over the past few months, as I have put all my faith and energy and emotional bandwidth... and much of my money... into some personal work, the Lord has set the stage perfectly. The process has been painful, but necessary. I asked Him to show me my true value and worth. I asked Him to help me value myself for the best reasons. I want not to find confidence not in how I look or what I do or the reasons others value me or in my gifts or talents... or whatever else has given me value aside from the the very most important thing. I am seeking to depend on my divine worth, that I am God's daughter, for my self esteem.
That prayer has been answered in ways I would have never imagined and in ways I would have never asked for. I can no longer depend on much of what I depended on in the past. True to the nature of such sources of confidence, they are temporary and transient. When I embarked on this journey I had no idea what I was about to lose.
I have a feeling, as I see myself in the background of this photo, I have no idea what I have to gain. And how much greater that is than what I have lost. I continue this journey attempting to let go. The less I cling to what I think it should entail and the less I attempt to hasten the process, the more meaning I will find in even the most difficult aspects of it. And hopefully in time the clouds will become a little more scattered. The sunshine a little more abundant. But I also hope the lessons of this journey will stay with me for a very very long time.
