Words of wisdom from one of my favorite authors

There are no words to add... only that every time I listen to this I realize how much I needed it.

The Oasis... this time around

My unplanned visit home last minute felt very much divinely orchestrated. While I should have been getting my classroom ready for the new school year (something I actually really love to do), I instead was beginning a period of medical leave/part time work. Long story short, I am finally taking care of myself the way I should have been from the beginning of this sickness. And I am going to get better. Woot woot.

So my week off in Pismo Beach and San Luis Obispo in a nutshell, spending time with Kristina and Kimberly, two of my best friends; Mom and Dad, two of the most patient and forgiving people (patient with me and forgiving of me that is); Kevin, the best brother in law ever (the down to earth cool guy we all wish we could marry); and three of my favorite people in the world (who happen to be big spirits in little bodies).

If there was ever a time when I wanted to live closer to my family, this was it. It was so hard to leave. And the fact that they live in paradise doesn't hurt either...

Ride to Avila, the best beach on the Central Coast

Jess in action

Another action shot. Saving my bike. This kid is a mini James Bond.

Kimberly's backyard. She converted me to country living. As long as there's a Trader Joe's within a 10 minute drive.

This view never gets old

'Rowing', 'rafting', and 'fishing'. Jess and Alex were the best company.

Rowing away

Fishing... less effective. But resourceful:)

Kristina. Walking toward the light. So appropriate.

Avila at sunset

Walk on the beach with Kristina

The Best Decision

Whether it is a miracle or ironic or confusing or a lot of lessons I am still trying to sort through, the two pictures below were taken within about two days of each other:

After being out of commission just about the entire week and just starting to gain back strength on Friday, I decided to at least do a portion of the century ride Jennia, Adam, and I had been so excited about and training for since the beginning of the year. I ended up finishing and feeling great. I decided on the ride not to live my life like a sick person, to try to do the best I can on sick days, and to take advantage of the not-sick days. It was a really great decision on Saturday. We'll see how I feel the rest of the week:)

The Donation Jar

Not to brag, but my students are amazing. They are very privileged in many ways, yet still have empathy and compassion and big hearts. From one student's jam business to another's savings, to many others' allowance money, they donated over $100 within a couple weeks of collecting money for the orphanage. That was after the letters and friendship bracelets were sent. Love these kids. I wish I could post names and pictures.

My job. The best.

Three reasons I would rather be at work than home sick (sadly earlier in life sick days were a nice break once in a while... maybe everyone feels that way and just doesn't express it. This past year I have had a lot of sick days. Enough for the rest of my life)...

#1 Today one of my students brought in his awesome frogs. I'll admit I was a little jumpy. I thought I had conquered my fears by the end of the day after holding them throughout the day. Suddenly he's by my side just hanging out when he could be outside playing. First sign something was off. He says 'the frogs are so light'. 'Uh huh' I say as I correct some journals. 'Yeah you can't even tell when they're on you sometimes'. Suddenly my peripheral vision kicks in and I realize there is a big frog on my shoulder. I scream, then both of us start laughing, and I calm down and apologize to Yoda (the frog, not the student. That would be an unfortunate name for a child).

#2 After telling my students about my trip to Zambia they became very concerned and wanted to write letters, make friendship bracelets, and even create a donation jar. One of my students (he has a jam business and contributes 33% of profits to charity) brought in $73 yesterday and said he 'wanted to give it to the orphans'. He is only 9 and learning business and empathy at the same time. Another (frog boy) brought in $24.59 from his savings to donate. These kids melt my heart. And so do the kids at the CRC.

#3 I get to read streams of conscious from their journals. They range from my highly intellectual, spiritually sensitive, deep thinking student who ponders our prison system, the meaning of life, why people are violent, etc., to these very special entries from another student:

"If there was a global problem that I could solve, I would give whoever that has the problem charity by giving that person 100 dollars (I have 100 dollars, I'm not kidding, it is in my piggy bank). Having no money is a big problem."

and

"Really, of course there is life on other planets. Well, aliens can live on other planets as I believe in aliens (I am kidding, of course I don't believe in aliens, only little kids do) And I am not a little kid. Believing in Aliens is just like believing in the tooth fairy, and little kids do. So many times your parents put money under your bed to make you think the tooth fairy is real. I stopped believing in the tooth fary when I was in the 2nd grade. But my mom and dad still kept putting money under my pillow. I still don't want to lose any more teeth because i want to keep my teeth and if I have no teeth than I wouldnt be able to eat, and that would be bad."

#4 When we somehow got on the topic of how many kids each of my students wanted the youngest in the class asked 'Melissa can you decide if you want kids or not?'. 'Yes, you can' I said. 'Oh yeah, because you have to swallow the seed for a baby to grow. Maybe you can just throw the seed back up if you decide you don't want it.' 'Uh, well, yeah maybe you should ask your parents about that. I think you're on the right track with the seed.' As all the other students give each other sideways glances.

Those moments when you feel the connection between body and spirit...

And you realize why it is a gift and a blessing to be here, on earth, with a body. Even with all the pain, sickness, tiredness, limitations. Because with that body comes the freedom to move, feel, experience, grow.

Moments lately when I have felt deep gratitude for my body.

1. When I was swimming in the ocean with Jennica and Kristina. It was a beautiful, clear, sunny day at Avila Beach. The water was unusually warm and the sea unusually calm (that's the way I like it). We just floated over the waves just before they broke, swam around, and eventually got out to feel the warm sun drying our salty, sandy bodies.

2. When I watched So You Think You Can Dance with Kristina, Jennica, Kelly. Completely in awe of the ability those dancers have to convey something deep, close, intimate through dance. It is more than extension, lines, technique, jumps, and turns. It is the expression of their deepest emotions. Some have the ability to convey this, and others even with impeccable skills, don't quite have that gift.

3. Which leads me to my most recent experience. This morning, for the first time since last October, I danced! Like really danced. I was on the eliptical, listening to songs I have been wanting to dance to, and left the gym to go to the other gym where they have a group exercise room perfect for dancing. There was a guy practicing juggling and other magic tricks (I figured if anyone was self conscious it would be him), so I just took up the other half of the room and it all came back. Actually, even more than before. I can see where I lack in technique (and cardio... my heart felt like it was going to jump out of my chest) but the ability to express through dance and appreciate what I  create is there, and greater than before. I felt that connection, and was grateful for this body which just last night put me in bed, exhausted, at 7:30pm (I figure I have a few more months of mono days). And I got to dance to my recent favorite, Old Skin.

The juggler took a picture of me this morning. Nice guy.

Back in the Saddle

After not being able to ride for almost 8 months, I have been on two amazing rides. I honestly wondered if I would ever be able to long rides or difficult climbs again. Maybe that thinking was a little dramatic, but when you have Mono you feel like you'll be tired, achy, energyless, and not be able to think clearly forever. My first real ride back, aside from barely making it through Portola Loop the Saturday before, was: Portola Loop, up Old la Honda, south on Skyline, down Page Mill, and back to the EPA. To be honest I didn't know if I would make it. I ran out of water and was exhausted. But I finished! A 3 hour ride without relapsing to mono (well I didn't relapse until about 4 days later, but that's beside the point). Second ride: Portola Loop, Old la Honda again, and down the 84 through Woodside. It was that familiar exhilarating feeling of being in nature, on a bike. That combination will inevitably always make me feel alive, return me to hope, and immerse me in gratitude. Marin County Century, here I come. No promises on speed. I just want to finish.

Africa... A Journey of Expanding My Heart and Awareness

I am not quite sure how to put into words the experiences I had in Africa. 50 journal pages and hundreds of photos later the best of what I experienced is recorded in my heart. As I process and try to make sense of it, hopefully it will reach my vocabulary and I will be able to adequately express the lessons, awareness, and understanding gained.

The things I did in Zambia perhaps did make a small difference in the lives of those I met. But having felt the effects of the trip in my life, and how they have changed it, the difference will be seen in how I live the rest of my life. It is a question of what I do with this awareness. Do I choose to continue to open my eyes to this world and the many, diverse people in it? Do I choose to see the need wherever I am (whether in my own house, within my family, my group of friends, at work, within my classroom, in my community, or in a different country)... and respond to it? Do I ask, with a willing heart, what I can do to relieve someone else's suffering? Will I sacrifice personal comfort or worldly ambitions to serve? Will I make changes in my life to reflect the changes which have taken place in my heart?

Riding in the truck on the way out to the Childrens' Resource Center (Mothers Without Borders Orphanage). The weather is beautiful during the Zambian winter.

The beautiful, sacred grounds of the orphanage. I could just feel the love every time we went there.

A classroom built as part of the Bwafwano project, started by a philanthropist who has helped provide medical and educational services.

 Uncle Fred. One of my favorite Zambians ever. He drove the big army truck all over Lusaka, taking us to the orphanages, hospital, street kids center, villages, and on random errands. He is one of the best men I have ever met.

The beautiful grounds of the CRC. I helped the girls with washing one day. After my feeble attempts to wash as efficiently as these girls, and after lots of laughter from the girls, I ended up with the job of hanging the washed clothes. At least I can put clothespins on wet clothes...

I also got to teach Young Womens class during church on Sunday with Amanda. It was one of my favorite parts of the trip. 

 Precious. I taught the children a lesson on their divine worth after telling the story of You Are Special. I was so happy I had taken the story telling workshop and learned that book. 

On the road headed to the CRC

 My beautiful fellow volunteers in our army truck, braving the wind, exhaust, and dust

 One of my favorite people. Jess inspires me with her willing, pure heart. She is beautiful inside and out. She is our cover girl... in the donations room with all the 'goods'.

                                      

The kids, and Steven especially, rocked the hula hoop

Sarah has a beautiful soul. And she is not afraid to share it

Sweet Harrison lived on the streets for about six years. He has changed so much. He still has the lasting effects of very difficult experiences, but is now beginning to let people in. People have an amazing ability to heal. It just takes time. Heather helped him discover his photography skills, at a great cost and sacrifice to herself.

Protecting ourselves from the dust, exhaust, and wind in the back of the truck

Madalisto. A sweet, sweet soul.

 Petronella. I felt like I could see her spirit through her beautiful eyes. She was a natural at ballet.

On the way out to play soccer. Never mind that the two most deadly snakes in the world, among other kinds of snakes, were found in these fields. NBD.

 Kathy Headlee Minor. Present day Mother Teresa. Fountain of wisdom and love. Founder of Mothers Without Borders. I was so grateful to learn from her while there.

I loved having our car rides home to reflect on the experiences I was having, to let it sink in, to try to process.

I found this sweet girl sitting by herself, apart from all the other children, not participating in the meal. Someone translated and I learned a little more about her. So often people needed to be heard. When we visited the villages, more than supplies or praying or singing, the need was for their story to be heard. I wanted so much for her to understand how beautiful she is and how much potential she has. I don't know if I was able to impart this, but I do know I felt it very strongly in my heart. The difference when she smiled was amazing.

The kitchen. No, this roof is not leak proof. It looks beautiful and quaint, and there are some beautiful aspects of living a simple and 'unconnected' life. But when there are bad harvests, and rains that cause flooding, and illnesses... this reality inspires humility, reliance on God, but also much suffering.

My sweet Maurice. He took my camera and when I got it back I had a whole slew of surprise pictures. Quite a few included his toy cars all lined up in a row. One of my favorite things to do with the children at the CRC was read. They love reading. And they are so sensitive to feelings. If we were reading and suddenly a soccer game started they would stay with me... even if they wanted to join the game.

 My favorite thing to do when traveling: bike rides. We biked to Victoria Falls, saw it from the other side, rode to the Botswana/ Zimbabwe border, and all the way back to town. It was quite a ride. I think we tired out our guide.

Safari on the Zambezi. Mud bath. We saw giraffes, impala  tons of elephants (like literally tons), a black mamba, hippos, crocodiles, a dung beetle (I love how they attract the opposite sex... great story), buffalo, lots of different kinds of birds

When we arrived at Victoria Falls we hadn't had running water for two days. It was quite the contrast as we crossed the bridge and the spray of the falls soaked us as if it was pouring rain. We ran around taking in the views and getting completely drenched. It was like a cleansing following some heavy experiences. 

Amsterdam on the way back. The city was so beautiful. Another extreme contrast to the culture of Zambia. Amsterdam was beautiful, clean, pristine, orderly, technologically very advanced, quite worldly, and the people kept to themselves quite a lot more. Lusaka was beautiful, dirty, disorderly, very behind technologically, humble, and the people were very open and loving. Both places have their beauty, but the warmth of Zambia stood in contrast to the frigidity of Amsterdam. 

Some gems from my experience:

"We are here to perfect our ability to love."

 -Kathy

When you need to open your heart, envision the thing you most love. When I did this I thought of my students.

"Each act of kindness, every expression of love, of understanding, no matter how small, shines a light into the darkness of the world. And each and every act of compassion and kindness is of critical importance in our efforts to dispel the darkness forever."

"Our eyes give us sight, but our hearts give us vision." 

-S. Shaw

"This world has a great need for each of us." 

-Kathy

"The people here rely upon us for temporal salvation, but we rely upon them for eternal salvation."       -Kathy

"Every act of love is a work of peace no matter how small. It's not what we do but how much love we put into it." 

-Mother Teresa

"I have always held firmly that each one of us can do a little to bring some portion of misery to an end." -Albert Sweitzer

"We will give them not only our hands to serve but our hearts to love." -Mother Teresa

"Each kindness enhances the quality of life on our planet and each cruelty diminishes it." 

-Desmond Tutu

"One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his greatest surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn't do." 

-Henry Ford

"The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, meekness, purity, and others are attributes we have been directed to develop in each of us- and they cannot be developed in the abstract. These require the clinical experiences- those things through which we are asked to pass. Nor can these attributes be developed in a hurry." 

-Neal A. Maxwell

"There is much suffering in the world- very much. And the material suffering is suffering from hunger, suffering from homelessness, from all kinds of disease, but I still think that the greatest suffering is being lonely, feeling unloved, just having no one. I have come more and more to realize that it is being unwanted that is the worst disease that any human being can ever experience." 

-Mother Teresa

"We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature- trees, flowers, grass- grow in silence; see the stars, the moon, and the sun, how they move in silence... we need silence to be able to touch souls."

-Mother Teresa

"We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

-Nelson Mandela

"May God, who has blessed all of us so mercifully and many of us so abundantly, bless us with one thing more. May he bless us to hear the often silent cries of the sorrowing and afflicted, the downtrodden, the disadvantaged, the poor. Indeed when any neighbor anywhere is suffering and to drop everything and come running."

-Jeffrey R. Holland

Thank you to everyone who contributed to my fundraising efforts. It meant so much to me to feel your support and to know that you cared. Thank you especially to Uncle Nat, whose hard work throughout his life contributed to paying for my college education and for this trip.